Thursday, May 30, 2013

Kindness of others

I forgot to mention something that happened Tuesday after we found out the diagnosis. Greg and I were standing by our car outside in the parking lot of the Hope Center trying to comfort and gather ourselves before we went home to face the kids.

A woman came out of the Hope Center with a cat in her carrier. She put the cat in her car and walked over to us and said, "I know this is none of my business. But, if this is a matter of financial issues I would be more than happy to pay for something. Do you need money? I'm more than happy to pay for a procedure if you need it."

Greg and I thought that was so nice. It actually stopped my tears briefly and brought a smile to my face at the humanity of others. We told her how kind that was but in our case it was a matter of time at this point.

It's amazing what pets can do to the hearts of owners. This woman had no idea who we were. She saw we were suffering and our dog in the backseat and offered something so amazing. There truly are kind people out there.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Final decision

Yesterday we met with M because we both needed to hear him say it. We needed him to say that we have done all we can and that this cancer is just so aggressive, we can't seem to stop it or slow it down. He showed us the XRAY in which Arlie has a 2" tumor on his left lung. Right now you would never know he was sick. Honestly, he's running around and playing and enjoying life.

M went over our options. We could try oral chemo at $700/month (which at this point is out of our budget) or just enjoy Arlie for what might be his last few weeks/months. To date we have spent nearly $13,000 to save our dog (including amputation and meds) and we just can't do anymore. Especially since Arlie is so drug sensitive that it's most likely that this will make him sick or not do anything but prolong his life a month.


M looked at us and said that Arlie has put up a great fight and is super strong and it's our choice. We looked at eachother and decided that we will live out our final days with Arlie and no longer medicate him or change chemos. We have tried so hard and Arlie has fought so valiantly. M told us that right now Arlie doesn't know he's sick (he didn't tell him and neither have we) and to "live it up".

I sat in M's office and said, "We've done this for nothing. We've mutilated our baby by taking off his leg. Given him 6 rounds of chemotherapy....for nothing." M told me that it definitely was not for nothing as we would've had only a couple months with Arlie if that. We have bought Arlie another 8 months.   We have given him 8 extra months in which he has seen his sister complete her first year of preschool, he has seen us through another move and met our neighbors and their kids and furbabies (and he approves greatly BTW), another holiday season, another trip to the beach, endless amounts of cuddles and snuggles, romps, tug of wars, affection, free babysitting (of his brother and sister), and lastly, he has taught Greg and me that the love of a dog is unending and unconditional.

So....here we are. Today I bought a huge amount of freeze dried chicken. I will get some rotisserie (he's a sucker for it), he will hit the beach one final time with his girl Bella (neighbor's golden) and we will throw that tennis ball and walk him until he's decided he's had enough. At the first sign of trouble, we will go to M for a second opinion and then give him the same dignity in the end as he has had in life. He deserves this. We are so lucky to have had him for this long.

I circled the tumor that has invaded Arlie's lung. It's hard to see but it is that shadow.

We went on Amazon and found this dog. It is Arlie as a puppy EXACTLY. We have decided to cut off the front right leg and sew it back together and keep that in memory of our boy. We want to remember him as the fighter he is.


Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Truly devastated

Arlie went in for his 7th round of chemo and an xray to check his lungs for possible metastases. We brought him in this morning and just heard from M. There is a 2" nodule on his lung that cannot be mistaken for cancer that has spread. Arlie is not in pain. He is not having trouble breathing yet. But, after all of this, the cancer is trying to claim him.

Devastated cannot begin to describe the feelings we have right now. My stomach in in knots. I feel so sick and I can't look at my children in fear they will know that their Mommy can't even breathe at the notion of losing my furbaby.

Arlie was supposed to be there to pick Jackson up from the bus stop on his first day of school. Arlie was supposed to be there to help drop Gia off the following year at the bus stop too. He was supposed to watch his brother and sister grow and see them as adolescents. Now, I'm afraid that my 3 and 5 year old won't remember him. They are so little and although Arlie has been there from the beginning, there is a chance they won't remember how Arlie would sleep in their beds on the nights they were sick. Or how he would be first in the car to pick them up from preschool. Or that they will never find a pillow quite as soft as a schnoodle. And they will never have a friend as loyal as their doggy.

Where do we go from here? We are weighing our options. If we do nothing, M said we might not have until the end of the summer. If we do an oral chemo, it might give us a few more months...if that. We have put so much time, money, and emotion into this...I just don't know if we can keep on going. The amount of money we have spent, has strapped us. I hate hate hate that finances are a concern and I'm so so angry that we can't do more.


Friday, May 17, 2013

Next Tuesday we get more answers

Arlie is due for his chemo in a week. We asked to postpone it until after Memorial Day because it's not only his 7th round of chemo but he will also get another xray of his lungs. We felt we wanted to spend the 3 day weekend with lots of schnoodle love and happiness and were worried that if we received bad news, it would be a long weekend of grief and tears.

We will know more soon.

Love and paws,
Andrea and Arlie

Friday, May 3, 2013

Arlie with 3/4 of his posse

(L-R--Brinkley, Bella, Arlie)
Here's the schnoodle with 2 of his posse (missing Pepper the black lab). This is pretty typical of the dogs (to rest after gnawing on each other).