Arlie went in for his 7th round of chemo and an xray to check his lungs for possible metastases. We brought him in this morning and just heard from M. There is a 2" nodule on his lung that cannot be mistaken for cancer that has spread. Arlie is not in pain. He is not having trouble breathing yet. But, after all of this, the cancer is trying to claim him.
Devastated cannot begin to describe the feelings we have right now. My stomach in in knots. I feel so sick and I can't look at my children in fear they will know that their Mommy can't even breathe at the notion of losing my furbaby.
Arlie was supposed to be there to pick Jackson up from the bus stop on his first day of school. Arlie was supposed to be there to help drop Gia off the following year at the bus stop too. He was supposed to watch his brother and sister grow and see them as adolescents. Now, I'm afraid that my 3 and 5 year old won't remember him. They are so little and although Arlie has been there from the beginning, there is a chance they won't remember how Arlie would sleep in their beds on the nights they were sick. Or how he would be first in the car to pick them up from preschool. Or that they will never find a pillow quite as soft as a schnoodle. And they will never have a friend as loyal as their doggy.
Where do we go from here? We are weighing our options. If we do nothing, M said we might not have until the end of the summer. If we do an oral chemo, it might give us a few more months...if that. We have put so much time, money, and emotion into this...I just don't know if we can keep on going. The amount of money we have spent, has strapped us. I hate hate hate that finances are a concern and I'm so so angry that we can't do more.
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