Two weeks ago I was on my upteenth call with "M" discussing Arlie's bloodwork. As I mentioned in my previous post, it seems our little fella is a 4 week between chemo patient. He just has such a sensitivity to drugs that it tends to affect him a bit longer than it would any other pooch.
At any rate, in my talk with "M" and my daily stresses about Arlie being "slightly off" or "not running as fast chasing the ball", he gave me advice that pretty much stopped me in my tracks. He told me...and I quote, "Andrea, you need to stop looking for things and enjoy the wonderful time that you have left." I have to admit, when he said that to me I felt my stomach drop. It sounded so...final. Yes, Arlie is doing great. Yes, he's responding to the chemo well. Yes, he's still the active and playful and snuggly pup...but I keep hearing "enjoy the time that you have left." When he told me that I tried to hold it together because it sounded like there could be an end in sight. I had been in the "denial" stage for so long that I forgot to look at him and realize, he's with us now and he's fine and he loves us.
Arlie is a fighter. He's fighting this awful diagnosis because he knows how much we love him and like any loyal dog, he would do anything to make his family happy and proud of him.
"M" is right. I need to stop obsessing and enjoy the time that I have left with my shnoop-ah-doop (another pet name).
Love and paws,
Andrea and Arlie
Oh, Andrea. My stomach dropped, too, when I read your post. I recently read the following: "To love a dog means to anticipate loss and the suffering that comes with it. The short lives of dogs couple love with death." This concept floats around in my head, but I couldn't quite nail it until I read these words. If Arlie could tell you how he would like to spend the rest of his short (compared to those of his humans) life, with or without cancer, his answer would probably be the same as yours.
ReplyDeleteHi Susan.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much. I often wonder if we are doing this more for us than for our sweet Arlie. I hope he tells us when he's had enough.